I hate... I know... I need...

Someone even regards me as a 'tough' girl...
Someone even describe me as a piece of 'white' paper...
I feel very funny...
Then am i really that tough enough??... Am i really that 'white'??
Yes, i was used to believe i am a tough & independent girl...Even 'white'...

But nowadays...
I am not really think like that...
Sometimes i really tired... Tired of everything... I used to take care of people... Concern people...
But...who gonna used to take care of me or concern of me???
I know... Friends and family will be the role...
But is it??
If someday or somehow, something bad happened on me... who's gonna know?? Yeah there will be a number of people know after the tragedy...

How much they know about me??
I hate...
I hate to be judged by people like that and in fact also not like that...
I hate to pretending nothing in front of people...
I hate i really not happy but must pretend that i am ok...
I hate i am tired to take care of people...
I hate i am tired to concern people...
I hate when i am stress...
I hate when i am cry...
I hate when i still not letting go...
I hate to stay alone at house...
I hate to be tough...
I hate to be independent...
I hate my emotional start from 04 August 2008...
I hate myself...
I hate... I hate... I hate...

I know...
I know i have to be judged by people like that and in fact also will like that...
I know i have to pretending nothing in front of people...
I know i not really have to pretend that i am ok even though i really unhappy...
I know i have to take care of people...
I know i have to concern people...
I know i am extremely stress...
I know i am cry...
I know i still not letting go...
I know i have to stay alone at house...
I know i have to be tough...
I know i have to be independent...
I know i am emotional start from 04 August 2008...
I know i have to love myself...
I know... I know... I know...

I need...
I need other people judgement on me...
I need to pretend like nothing in front of people...
I need to pretend that i am ok even though i really unhappy...
I need people to take care of me...
I need people to concern me...
I need to throw away my stress...
I need to laugh...
I need to letting go...
I need to go out frequently...
I need to be tough...
I need to be independent...
I need to happy everyday after 04 August 2008...
I need to love myself... before expect people to love me...
I need... I need... I need...

These hates, knows and need really makes me crazy...

Who am i??





**vIVi@N^^